Friday, May 22, 2015

A letter to my baby on my first Mother's Day

My darling Eleanor,

My first Mother's Day was absolutely wonderful. There were gifts and flowers, laughing and love, but my dear, the best gift I could ever receive for Mother's Day was given to me on December 9 at 6:49 am. You are and will forever be my greatest gift, because it is you who made me a Mother.

I think about this sometimes, the fact that I am someone's MOTHER. And still when I say the words "my daughter" out loud, it seems like I'm talking about someone else's life. "My daughter" is something I've only heard my own mom say for so many years, it just sounds strange coming out of my mouth. And Mother's Day has always been a day about other people, not about me. But I now understand why this day means so much to moms. I felt how I typically feel on my birthday, only times 1000. It's like the whole world should just know that I am a MOM. And after only 5 months with that title, I already understand why that word is so unbelievably special and meaningful.

We are slowly becoming two peas in a pod and as daddy says, I'm your best friend. Having you on my hip, even when I'm trying to get things done, fills my heart with pure JOY. Even on the days when you try my patience, the time apart that a nap brings is enough to center me again. And when you look up at me with a big sleepy post-nap grin, all the day's earlier frustrations melt away.

I think about the times that lie ahead and all of the fun things I get to experience with you. It's already started with introducing you to yummy flavors in your first foods, and I know I'm going to blink and I'll be taking you to dance class, scaring monsters away from under your bed, snuggling with you during thunderstorms, helping you with your homework, letting you read a bedtime story to me, going for fro-yo dates, watching you score your first goal in soccer. I already think back to the days when you were just born, and it feels like light years ago - I can only imagine how I'll feel when you turn 1. Or 6. or 16. Lord help me and my heart.

I know you won't always like me, and I'm okay with that. My job first and foremost is to be your parent. My job is to protect you, guide you and help you through the challenges of childhood, puberty, and young adulthood. As I already tell you now when you babble away on the changing table or in the car, I will ALWAYS stop to listen to what you have to say. You are the most important thing in my life and I've never been more proud of something I've done.

There may come a Mother's Day in the not so distant future (especially if there are siblings in the picture) when I'll want the day or part of the day to myself for some peace and quiet. Maybe. Or maybe not. But on this Mother's Day, all I wanted was to be with you and your dad: my beautiful little family.

You are my greatest accomplishment, and the day you were born, I found my purpose. For that, my love, I will always be grateful to you.

I love you today and always,
Mom


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