Mommy heartbreak

As I've written about, Ellie has been pretty good about self-weaning from nursing. But for the last few weeks we've been in a great groove of one feed when she wakes up and one before bed. I was preparing to go through January with both, and the come February, try to drop the night feed.

Well tonight, Ellie dropped it for us by flat out refusing the boob before bed. Not just refused it, but reached right past it for the books on her nightstand, and then CRIED when I tried to get her to nurse instead of giving her books. I was clearly NOT ready for that, and immediately burst into tears. Through tears I read three books until Brad got home at which point I lost it again.

I know this is all part of her growing up, and I know we were working towards this, but man not being able to call the shots on when and how it stops is HARD. 

Funny thing is as I was nursing her before bed last night I thought to myself that I should have B take a photo of us in action from the doorway. Guess that ship has sailed since our morning nursing sessions happen in our bed. 

Sigh. I'm now spending this evening working to ease my bruised mommy ego with wine. Time will pass and I know this will become a distant memory, but wow. A very tough one.